it reads (loosely translated)
"the new x box will ship in mass quantaties of the product named "market eradicator" void of the ability to play games altogether it seems. instead, Microsoft has been peddeling backwater plans to expand the current platform in a new market. one official has stated that the new xbox was designed soley as the greatest gaming platform ever. when we asked where the disc drive was was, thier reply was for us to use 'our imagination'. unfortunately, since we live in Japan, we cannot imagine anything unique, and are dumbfounded.
inside sources have told us that the 4 visible usb style connectors in the front are 'mearly cosmetic' to maintain market appeal to young gamers.
in an attempt to find the new form of processing power found in the next x box, we discovered that intel and Nvidia are no longer key chip suppliers. Microsoft has announced to thier shareholders that they have felt microsoft corp. stocks have been stagnent far too long due to the market leveling off. to indroduce themselves in a new market, are entering the chip domain, long separated from software. the chip, codenamed 'CPP' meaning Cross Plane Processing based laregly off principals of quantum entanglement, where the processing chip doesent actually exist in our dimension... hence, the small size.
it seems that in the sound theories of 'CCP' the games, controllers, and power are actually derrived from other universes... we are unsure of how anybody will actually play a game that does and doesnt exist with controlers that dont, but do exist on a processor that does, and doesnt exist. "