motor

jon_s · 08-07-2003, 06:13 AM

>Dear Cretins:

>I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your three-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions.

>Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office.

>My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat @rse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website. HOW? I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes -- an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools -- such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum.

>Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over four weeks, my modem arrived, six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it. I estimate your internet servers downtime is roughly 35% -- the hours between about 6 pm and midnight, Monday through Friday, and most of the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection.

>I have made nine calls on my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are, it seems, also highly skilled b*llock jugglers. I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an answering machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman. And several other variations on this theme.

>Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle moments to attend to. Frankly I don't care. It's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music.

>Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.

>I thought British Telecom was shit; that they had attained the holy p!ss-pot of god-awful customer relations; and that no one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment, what a useless shower of b@stards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the highest order. BT -- w@nkers though they are --shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy.

>Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver. Any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief --- will quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused rage.

>I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cat's litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit -- they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless employees.

>Have a nice day. May it be the last in your miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of tw@ts.

Jabba · 08-07-2003, 06:30 AM

hahahah excellent....reminds me of a time when I used to have to talk to the wonderful technical support at my old service provider One-Tel...that makes NTL look like a dream...

after 50 minute wait eventualy put through...

Jabba: I seem to have a very limited bandwidth problem at the moment....

One Tel: what is bandwidth ??

Jabba: hmmm I dont think were going to get very far here....

One Tel: Can I suggest you look at our website...

Jabba: No but can I suggest you put me through to the cancelations dept...

moved to Nildram...have been happy ever since...cant rate them high enough...respond to all email within 10 minutes...and really know what they are on about....excellent service...

jon_s · 08-07-2003, 06:35 AM

Have you read the complaint to a Bank??

Humm, I will go and find it....

stracing · 08-07-2003, 06:59 AM

i wonder if that one tel is the same one tel that went bankrupt here. anyways the one tel that operated here had really bad mobile signals. phones wouldn't even connect properly in the middle of CBD

sportVeloce · 08-07-2003, 07:56 AM

Yeah good old Jodie Richs One Tel... I had them for a while. Their service was beyond all help.

The letter reminds me of a letter I sent to HostOnce (the crappest hosting company in the world). It detailed my plans of taking out a Full Page advertisment in a large national paper detailing their service. I got some response about slander and courts etc, in which i replied that written untrue works actually amount to Libel and not slander (slander is if it is spoken not written), and I also informed them that it was only libel if it is judged untrue and not in the publics best interest to know.

A nice site (not my own) about HostOnce titled: hostonce.com and simon rickards suck ass. eat my nuts:
http://www.junkmachine.com/hostonce/hostonce.htm

Check out the Hostonce reviews.. its damn funny to see how hopelessly incompetent they are: http://www.hostsearch.com/showcommen...mpanycode=3503

I know where your coming from jons. We have to thank these service providers as they were obviously set up to entertain the general public, because no business could be as incompetent.

draak666 · 08-07-2003, 08:51 AM

Originally Posted by Jabba

One Tel: what is bandwidth ??

LMAO

Jon_s, I'm affraid this letter won't have any affect at all. But then again, from reading your complaints I can tell that probably nothing would get things moving. And at least now you got it off your chest, and I for one enjoyed reading it. As sarcastic as this may sound

... Sorry...

666fast · 08-07-2003, 02:54 PM

That hostsearch tried to install soemthing on my computer, but Spybot caught it. Just thought you guys would like to know.

jon s, did you type that out? It's hilarious. I've never had such bad service to warrant something like that. I did however use maddox's idea with junkmail. Use the no postage necessary envelopes you get with pre approved credit card thing, stuff them full of useless coupons and other shit. Send it all to them!

I think I've read the bank one. Where he says they can only call him at a certain time, and if they send stuff to them they are subject to penalty. Funny stuff!

jon_s · 08-07-2003, 05:07 PM

Yeah that is the Bank one, it is well funny.

For the record, and to clear up some confusion......I did not type that, I wish I had as it is quality. It was sent round my firm via E-Mail, so a copy and paste job! :roll:

Jabba · 08-07-2003, 05:13 PM

Where can I read the bank one ?

666fast · 08-07-2003, 05:19 PM

I haven't found the bank one yet, but I did find this. there is some funny stuff on here.
http://www.ideatown.com/dsletters.html

Nemisis8u · 08-08-2003, 05:26 PM

Originally Posted by Jabba

hahahah excellent....reminds me of a time when I used to have to talk to the wonderful technical support at my old service provider One-Tel...that makes NTL look like a dream...

after 50 minute wait eventualy put through...

Jabba: I seem to have a very limited bandwidth problem at the moment....

One Tel: what is bandwidth ??

Jabba: hmmm I dont think were going to get very far here....

One Tel: Can I suggest you look at our website...

Jabba: No but can I suggest you put me through to the cancelations dept...

moved to Nildram...have been happy ever since...cant rate them high enough...respond to all email within 10 minutes...and really know what they are on about....excellent service...

Thats a good one. I had to call my ISP because my internet wasnt working properly. I reach some dumb shit who tells me to try 3 different approaches to fix the problem. I do and none of then work. So he tells me to do it again. Any who after an hour he said he cant help.